On religion

From Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco:

"And begin by combining his name, YHWH, at the beginning alone, and examine all its combinations and move it and turn it about like a wheel, front and back, like a scroll, and do not let it rest, but when you see its matter strengthened because of the great motion, because of the fear of confusion of your imagination and the rolling about of your thoughts, and when you let it rest, return to it and ask it, until there shall come to your hand a word of wisdom from it, do not abandon it." Abulfia, Hayyê ha-Nefes, MS München 408, fols. 65a-65b

Well, I'm running late to a meeting, as usual, so I'd better comment this later.

On processing

A friend threatened me the other day with sending me an article about procrastination. According to him I have "all the hallmarks of a writer" and I assume he believes procrastination is one of those. I probably have a hundred never written down books in my head. Thought through and ready to be published. But I never ever write them down. Because when I am done with the process, I am no longer interested. It's like learning to knit. I once knitted a massive scarf (It's true, I have photo proof!) and so I know how to knit. I might not have the muscle memory for it, I might not know how to make those twists and turns, but I have discovered the mystery of it. Thus, I am done with it.

Establishing reality

Most people I know are all about creating the perfect life for themselves and the people they have closest. Many of them get annoyed by things and thoughts that come their way, when these things are not part of their own bubble. Which is fine. I honestly feel relieved when my friends start valuing themselves and the life they lead. But the fort we all have around our values and ways of thinking also leaves us feeling lonely sometimes.

It seems I am lingering on the other extreme, where there is a constant urge to see through the fasade, to break through and create an understanding of what is lying beyond the back drop. All my days of "thinking to much" was probably just me trying to get it. And people kept telling me there wasn't anything to get. Wasn't there though? Or is it just a strategy we are taught, to let us live without constant fear of the unknown? I know it is easier to focus on what to have for dinner and when to get kids. It's a kind of reality, one that is clear, one that we are taught to handle. That is what they call growing up.

Is there too little time for us to go beyond what is expected? Are we just lazy? What are we going to do when everything is said and done and we are about to die but have a little moment left? Sometime I feel alone with my brain. Peace out.

Pyssel

Ett annat nytt projekt jag har på gång är att pyssla. Jag tänker mig att man måste ha en hobby. Något som inte bara innebär att sitta. Böcker tex, är inte tillräckliga som sysselsättning. Jag har en känsla av att det är bra för den mentala hälsan att göra något med händerna. Det förstod även min "svärmor", vilket fick henne att ge mig ett garnnystan, stickor och en beskrivning för att sticka strumpor i födelsedagspresent. Väldigt snällt och omtänksamt, men - är jag en stickare? Det hände inget, blev inga strumpor stickade, så jag började se mig om efter andra saker att göra.

Något som verkar väldigt poppis är att pärla. Jag har kompisar som pysslar med det, men jag har aldrig riktigt sett tjusningen. Så jag googlade på det och det visade sig att folk gör alla möjliga saker med pärlor, som den här tjejen tex: http://lwordish.soclog.se/p/ Hon verkar ju cool och har bra smak, så jag blev lite uppmuntrad och inspirerad. Dessutom har hon en finfin beskrivning på sin sida om hur pärlandet egentligen går till. För det hade jag inte fattat. Hallå, det finns faktiskt människor som inte har hållit på med sådant där som barn och/eller inte kommer ihåg! Då får man leta och nuförtiden sker letandet på internet. Man kan inte fråga folk någonting numera utan att få svaret att det finns ett bra forum eller en bra länksida om just det ämnet.

Nåväl. Fortsättning följer.

How to know what kind of writing to write

Aaah, me myself as a human being is far too complicated for me to narrow down and pin point. Too many doors to open or close, to much stuff going in and out - no order. How to choose who to be, how to be that person, how to be ONE person in this maze of madness and rumpage. It seems to me that the most successful beings are those who choose one way to be at the exact right time and then stick to it. Like Jimi Hendrix. Or Ian McEwan. I just read Atonement and when I looked his other books up, they all seem to follow the same theme. Life, an awful mindtwisting turn, and then back to life again. I know I just happened to pick one of his books up and started reading it, but I am imagining a board of people who get to say their say about things and shouldnt they say something about this? Why isn't anyone busting him on this pursuit he's on- saying Hey if you want to continue being successful, it's time to show us that there are other things in your brain!..?? Can I do it too?

About thinking.

See what i did there? Hmmm? Yup, you're right, i did nothing! And i didn't even do it to make my point.

Anyway. I have had some ideas about what to write - of course. I just wish i could be allowed to stay in that universe that is my head a bit longer from time to time. I remember people used to tell me that i think too much. They actually got me believing it. I mean, there is obviously some kind of wrong with me...But now i know that they were wrong. I need to think so much more.

To write a blog about writing a book

Yeah. It does sound like one of those escaping things, doesn't it? I bet it is, too. You know, when you do everything you can to avoid doing something you have to do, like studying or washing the dishes. Funny thing is, the things you avoid sometimes become the things you do to avoid something else. Maybe i'll start to actually be efficient at work instead of writing this blog, which i do instead of writing that book...which i probably want to do because i don't want to work.